Sunday Musings

Sunday Musings…

Sometimes I just feel like I can’t do enough. During the Tuesday Dessert Social last week I met a woman named Coleen who asked me to pray for her. She had responded angrily at the neighbors at her apartment for some things they legitimately did to wrong her, and is now being kicked out of her home. She totally blames herself and sorely regrets her actions. She knows what it is like to be homeless, and is so afraid to be in that position again. I asked her some questions and prayed for her to get it resolved, but left feeling like I just couldn’t do enough. This week I realized that I felt like I just couldn’t do enough in every part of my life. I wanted to pour out more of myself in my community and spend more time with the Missionary Adventures kids. I wanted to pray more, spend more time with Jesus, read my Bible more—instead of letting it be about a life overflowing with abundance. I began to ask myself, “Am I approaching life from a perspective of scarcity?” It’s so easy when we see so much suffering around us to be overwhelmed and carry heaviness. But that is so not the Jesus we serve. He said that if we would believe in Him, we would have rivers of living water flowing out of our hearts. Praise the Lord! That really makes me excited! It’s about trusting Jesus that He is enough, and then choosing to give what we have been given.

He brought me back to Isaiah 55 again. These are some of my favorite verses, but as I read them again, it made me so happy to see the word abundance. “Ho! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in abundance.”

The living water is for free! But we have to come get it. It is easy to coast along and eat spiritual “junk food.” It might be good stuff like Christian books and movies or even great sermons. Or we might be eating “leftovers”—enjoying what our friends are receiving from Jesus. It might work for awhile, but eventually we’ll be dry and parched. We have to go to Jesus Himself to “eat what is good” and then approach the problems we see around us from a perspective of abundance, not scarcity.

Homeless Church

Written last Sunday...

Today Rachael and I attended Homeless Church. The morning service is held outdoors at the Embarcadero, right across from the Ferry Building about twenty minutes walk from the YWAM base. There is a very large paved area that is used as a craft fair, a huge water fountain, and some grassy areas where homeless people often hang out. The businesses there are very well-to-do, and the area is home to the Levi-Strauss and Co.

The service began with several men playing guitar and violin, singing mostly gospel hymns. It was very heartfelt. The presence of the Lord was very sweet as the Holy Spirit was invited to come. More homeless people began arriving with their backpacks. Some have shopping carts which carry all their worldly possessions. Some seemed very depressed during the service. Others were joyful and full of hope. We met a man named Rick, who was in his sixties. He has been a believer for a year and a half now, and says it is because of this ministry. He was so kind and welcoming to us, while still homeless himself. Another homeless woman I met named April was so sweet and welcoming. It is amazing to see the difference between homeless people who know Jesus and the ones who don’t. A homeless guy named Mike who we have met and spent time with several times during our stay here surprised us by coming over and greeting us. I had no idea he attended Homeless Church. He is a funny guy with a toothless smile and a huge heart. After the worship, he grabbed us and brought us into the line to get coffee and a cookie. Rachael spent some time talking to him while I had to find a bathroom.

I ended up having to go to the Ferry Building across the street. The shops and bathrooms there were so nice inside. Crowded with tourists buying gourmet sandwiches, shopping at Sur La Table and Cowboy Creamery’s Artisan Cheese Shop, it was one of the nicest shopping areas I’ve seen here. It felt so weird to come right back over to the Homeless Church. My mind resisted the sudden culture change from one extreme to the other. While I was comfortable in either place, it was weird to switch back and forth so quickly.

A guest minister, Ralph Hiatt was introduced. (Click to read his blog account of the day.) He was a sweet older gentleman who used puppets to share the story of the Good Samaritan. He then talked about the woman caught in adultery. The gravity of that story was impressed on my mind while sitting on the ground surrounded by homeless people. During the message people were sitting and lying on the cement wall and the grass, most of them listening. A few of them were stoned. One guy toward the front unrolled his sleeping bag and began retying it up. Pigeons and seagulls swooped in and out. The visiting minister talked about how Jesus came and lowered Himself to where we all are at and gave the opportunity to begin again. He told how this past year his wife died of cancer. He went to a favorite mountain in Oregon and asked God what to do. God told him at 79 years old that He was giving him a new opportunity to start a fresh life. Since then, this dear brother has been traveling and preaching all over Argentina. I was brought to tears at the sincerity of this message. If God can begin a new chapter in someone’s life at 79, any of these precious homeless people can have the same testimony. I can have the same testimony if I will reach for it. In a strange way I felt closer to Jesus there in that group than I do singing my favorite worship songs and hearing great Bible teaching.

After the message there was some ministry time, and then the pancake line began. I loved watching the servers and the ones who come to help out. Their love for the people was so evident by the way they engaged them, sat and talked, prayed with them, and just loved them. We met a girl named Meredith who was twenty-one and had just come to know Jesus a few months ago. She is still out on the street and needs to get into a rehab place. Stephanie, one of the pastor’s wives, asked us to pray that God would raise up something more for girls trapped in this city. It was a blessing to talk and pray with some of the leaders of this church. It is very much alive and full of the presence of Jesus. Definitely one of the places I would love to go back to again. If anyone is interested in finding out more about this church, you can see here.

Identity

I was on the bus the other day, bringing a group of about 14 young people back from the Haight where we had shared sack lunches with homeless people. I sat down next to a young girl and struck up a conversation with her. Her name was Christy and she was in an art school in the city. I always love hearing other people’s impressions of the city and the people here. She used to live in the Tenderloin because the rent was cheaper, but finally had to move because she felt unsafe at night. She asked what I was doing, and what our group was doing. I told her a little about WYAM and the prayer walks, the hot cocoa ministry, and what they are doing to help abused women in the Tenderloin. She was amazed and said she had no idea that stuff like this was happening in her city. Several times she expressed her opinion that I was really amazing to give up a summer to come and do things like this. I felt like I was talking to friend and was able to be really honest and sincere about my life and the fact that some weeks aren’t so easy. But it was such a privilege to tell her from my heart that doing this kind of stuff is what I do for fun. And not just me, but most of the staff here feel the same.

I told Christy that it’s truly because we KNOW we are incredibly loved by Jesus, and find our identity not by what we do, but in who He says we are. Because of this we have the strength to love and give to others.

Identity has been something the Lord has definitely been dealing with me about since I’ve been here. I find it a daily choice. I ask myself a lot of questions…

Do I find my identity in the fact that I feel weak and powerless when kids I’m leading are messing around and hanging from the rails in the Muni or am I confident in the fact that I am strong and equipped because the Father has given me all authority in heaven and earth?

Do I find my identity in the fact that I messed up when trying to share with a group of people a verse the Lord laid on my heart for them, or do I awake in the morning knowing that I am a loved, called beautiful and chosen by the Father?

Do I rest in the fact that His righteousness is all I need, and that there is nothing more I could do to make Him love me more, or do I try to earn more grace by trying to grow in the areas He is calling me into?

Do I have the confidence that Jesus has called me a friend, or do I still think that I somehow must be something more to gain that level of relationship?

Do I find my identity in my communication skills or lack thereof, in the fact that I was or wasn't able to help others to share their hearts, or in the fact that Jesus is all I need?

Do I value myself more by what I perceive others think of me or by who the Father says I am? That I am chosen, precious, holy and without blame, sealed and covered in His righteousness?

Let’s allow the Father to be the one to name us. We are His children.

Highlights in SF

Well folks, I’ve been neglecting this blog completely. I always have good intentions to post, but alas, by the time I finish other online activities I just can’t find the time to post here, too. I’ve been here at WYAM SF for six weeks now. I have so many stories to tell, so many awesome things the Lord is doing. I love having my teammates around to talk to and pray about all the neat things God is doing. One of the things I’m especially enjoying is just the community living here. You don’t have to say everything in one conversation, because you can see the person again tomorrow. But it’s also hard because finding a place to be alone is almost impossible some days. And writing and blogging is something I have a hard time doing when I’m distracted. Then there’s always the question, “Do I take time away from what I am living to write?” For me the answer is often no. I can’t believe I only have about 5 weeks left here. The time has gone by so fast and while I’m looking forward to getting home, I’m going to miss this place so much.

Some of my highlights for the past few weeks have been:

• Sitting at the Civic Center with two kids from a Missionary Adventures team and sharing a sack lunch with a homeless girl who was coming off heroine. We had an awesome time of sharing and opening our hearts as she expressed her fears. Praying for His perfect love to cast out all fear and transform her life.
• Worshipping in the basement with our team the night before the Pride Parade and speaking life over the city as we stand and worship our amazing King. Jesus is building His kingdom and as we focus on Him and obediently walk out our days here, people are being touched.
• Asking MA kids questions in debrief times and hearing them spill over with stories as they ventured out of their comfort zones to pray for the broken and poor.
• Praying in the room I share with two other girls (last week there were four) and being there with one another during our good days and our bad.
• Fixing spaghetti for 160 people who come for the Love Feast every week. This is an opportunity to sit down and enjoy a meal with the homeless people, listen to their stories, and laugh together. I love doing this, and it’s amazing when we have so much help from the MA teams how fast a meal can be prepared, tables set up, plates served, and then cleaned up while not feeling especially hurried. Organization is key. :)
  

I’m going to try to blog more often, as there is so much to share about. Thank you all for your prayers.